My Recurring Nightmare – Living with the Risks of Being Morbidly Obese…
As I sat here thinking about writing this post my initial thought was that I don’t want to scare people away with this topic because it will sound pretty morbid….. until I remembered what they call the level of obesity that I was prior to surgery — that level being Morbidly Obese. So it’s just occurred to me that the fears I experienced from this recurring nightmare really were fitting and likely posed a bigger risk than I may have imagined.
So here it goes…. For many years I would have this nightmare which would really shake me up. Thankfully it wasn’t too often but it definitely occurred at least every few months. Like dreams, I can’t say I remember many details but here is the net of what I do remember…
My family (husband and two kids) are in a building – may have been our house or a school or whatever, don’t remember any specifics there. My kids were about 10 and 6 in the dream.
There is some type of emergency — fire, bomb, earthquake – whatever and the building is starting to collapse. We have to get out right away. The problem is that our only route of escape was to crawl through this duct work in between floors in order to get to safety. My husband and kids would have no problem doing so. However, at my size, there was no way I could fit through it. I told them to go ahead but they didn’t want to leave me. I stayed wedged in this duct trying to squeeze through somehow, knowing I couldn’t. My life flashed before my eyes and, of course, I had huge regrets of allowing myself to get to the size that I was. My kids and husband kept screaming for me to go with them and I kept telling them to go on without me – and that I would meet them ‘on the other side’. But by ‘the other side’ I meant some day in Heaven because I would not be able to make it.
I told them to go ahead but they didn’t want to leave me. I stayed wedged in this duct trying desperately to squeeze through somehow, but also knowing that I couldn’t. My life flashed before my eyes and, of course, I had huge regrets of allowing myself to get to the size that I was. My kids and husband kept screaming for me to go with them and I kept telling them to go on without me – and that I would meet them ‘on the other side’. But by ‘the other side’ I meant some day in Heaven because I knew that I would not be able to make it.
Things kept getting worse so they finally agreed to go ahead after my reassurance of meeting them on ‘the other side’. So there I was left stuck in that duct or shaft, or whatever, to just say my final prayers and wait until my last breath.
I would usually wake up at that point and, of course, the nightmare shook me up pretty bad. At the same time, however, I knew that it really could happen if we ever ended up in this or similar circumstances. This truly was a ‘wake up’ call.
I’m not sure that I can put a positive spin on this other than to say that, after having weight loss surgery and beginning to lose weight, I finally stopped having the nightmare.
Personally I know that the best thing I can do is to use it as yet another powerful reminder of why I need to keep my weight in check. I want to ensure that I never have to face that risk, or nightmare again.
Were you able to overcome any fears or nightmares – or are you hoping to do so as you continue on in your journey? Please share if you are willing to do so.
I wish you all many, many sweet dreams instead…